Exactly 2 years ago to the day, Jim and I were told I would have to live in a hospital until Mattie was born. Just typing this out makes my heart hurt a little. We were devastated. We kept looking at each other wondering how this happened to us, what would happen to Mattie, how were we going to get through this? I have re-read my carepage blog a few times since then. Even now, 2 years later, I have no idea how we did it. I chalk it up to courage, faith, and an amazing support system of family and friends, but it was not easy. I do not wish that experience on anyone.
For those of you that started to follow our story after Mattie was born, it was a rocky road to start with. My water broke at 17 weeks pregnant. We were told several times that we need to have a late term abortion. Obviously that was never going to happen, so I went on bed rest until Mattie was born. Initially we thought Mattie was going to come at any minute, but she surprised us all. Once I was 23 weeks pregnant (6 weeks after my water broke), the doctors finally put me in the hospital since Mattie would be old enough to save (viable). I lived in the hospital for 55 days. Each day never knowing if that was going to be the day Mattie would be born. She had a 12% chance of survival. Mattie was born 92 days after my water broke. It was a miracle! She came 9 weeks early and was 3 pounds 14 ounces.
5 Days Old
17 Days Old
Two years later, do I regret our decision? Will Mattie regret our decision? The latter haunts me daily. Tonight I held Mattie and we watched Baby Signing Time. She was signing along with the movie and occasionally would look up at me and give one of her million dollar smiles and I know I have no regrets. The past 2 years have been a journey we never expected to be on, but we are here and doing it, mostly with a smile on our face. Mattie has taught me more about life in her short time than I ever thought was possible. Miracles do happen. Maybe Mattie is not perfect, but who is? She is our miracle. Everyday holds the possibility of one 😉
With hope and love,
I love this post. Can’t believe it has been 2 years… we were all checking carepages like crazy. I don’t miss those days either. Thank you for always keeping us in the loop, we will always be sending lots of love and prayers your way. xoxo
❤ I love you guys! Beautiful post.
Your posts are always so moving and positive. She is such a beautiful child and will always be in my prayers.
I read ur story every time u post one. It is wonderful how good Mattie is doing . God bless her.
We are having some trouble with our new granddaughter born at 33 wks. Tomorrow morning she goes into surgery to find out why she can’t keep anything Down. Reading ur stories give me a lot of hope so thank u for sharing ur stories with me.. God Bless u all
Jess I had no idea you & Jim went thru this. I can truly understand your situation. My son Brian was born many months early because my water broke. It was a difficult decision but one I don’t regret. We spent many years at hospitals & in doctors offices. Many surgeries & obstacles. His vision, his hearing, his balance along with so many other issues. The journey wasn’t easy but well worth it. The children tend to grow up stronger than the average child. The parents learn a love that is intense. Today my son is an incredible man who has overcome most of his issues. I’m not suggesting it was an easy road but one that we got through. My prayers will always be with you, Jim & beautiful Mattie. I have faith she will overcome her obstacles in time. Mt son & his wife are having a baby. I’m going to be a grandma in five weeks… I’m so excited. I wish all of you the best, send much love & you will always be in my thoughts & prayers. Take care.
Thanks Vicki. I remember you talking about your son being born early and his problems. I know you are so proud of him. Congrats on becoming a grandma 🙂
I love reading this. My twins were born at 26w due to pPROM, sadly neither of them made it, but they both had fight in them for time they were alive. Numerous times I have heard, “It is better this way, they would probably have special needs if they survived.” That stung and hurt. They are my daughters and I wouldn’t have cared. Seeing this makes me know we made the right decision in moving on with our pregnancy, even though we didn’t have our happy ending.
I wish I could say something that would take away the heart break of losing your daughters.
We were told the same thing about having a special needs child, lung damage, doom and gloom all the time, but it did not matter to me. I hope in time you find peace and your happy ending. With love and hope, J
I was in tears reading that.
Showing humility is something I do, and your story is one that lights up any dark thought or day.